TinTin

Nine in the afternoon

2008-01-11T09:01:07Z

Its been like forever since ive updated this page..
Things have been going good lately! Although some thing good be better, but hey the year just started!

My friend Jaimy had her 18th b-day party and its was fun!

NYE was so much fun! We really did start the new year pretty good!!

bottle_my_hopes @ 2007-07-13T20:59:00

2007-07-13T19:13:37Z

My life is a mess. Ive been housesitting my aunts house this past week. i kinda love it.
Being somewhere else, i love it. and i hate it at the same time.
She's coming home tomorrow, so ill be going home. straight back to where i dont want to be.
I hate my home, my life.

Ive been watching Heroes all day. Watching some show with people who are 'special'. Well i dont feel special.
And i want to be special.
I hate being what people want me to be. Im dont have the feeling that im alive..im living some soap/ fake kinda life..its not real enough ...people dont seem to notice ..just smile and look alive
If someone gave me a one way ticket to america, a house and a job there...id probably would be on a plane right now.

My dad has to make up his mind! This all is driving me crazy!!
He says he wants to move..to another city..well thats fine with me..but when is this finally going to happen.
Ive had it with people here...my grandma..god dont even start..that woman is seriously ill..she needs help...so does my mom.

My birthday was yesterday..and i felt so..i dont know..i felt like crying all day long..and when my sister send me this text message"Why am i not invited'..i called her to say that off course she was invited..shes my sister!! Then she started saying things like "Dont you know what youre doing? 'Dont you know what youre doing to mom? And dad?
did not see that coming..

Feels like my head going to explode any minute..better lay down for a second...

bottle_my_hopes @ 2007-05-22T10:27:00

2007-05-22T08:44:36Z

Here in your mind you have complete privacy.
Here there's no difference between what is and what could be.

People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.
I'm sick of making a show.

I miss my old life.I miss being happy.
Books. Music. Books. Music.
Never read this many books in my intire life.
I feel save when im reading,
it feels like escaping from reality,
I'd rather wake there any day
than wake up here alone.
not having to deal with these problems

Music 24/7

bottle_my_hopes @ 2007-05-12T15:06:00

2007-05-12T13:09:20Z

Ignore how it feels when the only real talent you have is for hiding the truth.
I have a god given knack for commiting a terrible sin.
Its my calling
I have a natural gift for denial.
A blessing
If you could call it that

Call me the voice of experience.

bottle_my_hopes @ 2007-04-12T19:47:00

2007-04-12T17:59:19Z

~~Me,you and my medication~~

Im so so so mad! I thought everything was going to turn out ok..
It just keeps getting worse and worse..

Im never going to be able to trust her ..ever!
I thought your mom was supposed to pretect you from things like this,
to make sure things like this would never happen to you
Well not my mom...

bottle_my_hopes @ 2007-02-09T17:25:00

2007-02-09T16:41:43Z

Everytime i that think my life is ok..something happens
my grandpa is sick..really sick,
monday hes gonna have his first chemotherapy..
Yesterday..i didnt even know what to say to m..
the way he looked at me, kind of scared me..
he must be soo afraid,
i mean his life could be over in 3 months or earlier
im scared, i dont want to lose him...

People amaze me, talking about me
thinkin they know me..
backstabbers, liars, so called 'friends'

Thank god for the people i can trust..
my real friends..
<3

bottle_my_hopes @ 2007-01-05T22:31:00

2007-01-05T22:36:56Z

       She loves to laugh
           She loves to sing
She does everything
She loves to move
She loves to groove
She loves the lovin' things

I hate school, its driving me crazy.
I loved NYE it was the bestest of bestest
We had sooo much fun.
Then he showed up,
thinking he could ruin my night
fuck him,
I'm kicking myself that i shared spit with you
eww

I love love love my friends!
Theyre amazing, and mine..
Pics pics pics tomorrow!!
We're crazy, we dont care

Save it.
cuz i dont care
keep it to yourself
your wasting your breath
Stop acting like you care
cuz i know you dont
just dont.
Im your living barbiedoll.

bottle_my_hopes @ 2006-12-04T18:53:00

2006-12-04T16:53:20Z

~~^{You're 'bout as reliable as paper shoes in bad weathers}~~Why dont people just leave me alone and start living their own life.
9 days till LP. and im all excited.
Wednesday ill be checking out my new school..hopefully itll turn out good.
My hair is ruined, for real. Wish id never did what ive done..but with a litle bit of luck and lots of help from
my sister itll turn out ok..i hope.

home still isnt what it used to be, its getting worse.
Idontwantthismakeitstop

^{.thread on my sweaters pendulous, step back and pull it
watch it unravel faster than a speeding bullet}

bottle_my_hopes @ 2006-11-10T19:50:00

2006-11-10T17:50:56Z

^{What does it take to activate, to keep you here?}This time next week, you probably wont even recognize me
Be ready for the new me, the real me, the official me
I promised myself id be more like me, and less the person everyone wants me to be

People dont understand the fact that im not who they think i am,
to them, im just the girl next door, just a face in the crowd.
People think im the nice shy girl who doesnt have a mind of her own,
if only they knew..

So brace yourself for the new and improved version of me.

^{* Its Not A Fashion Statement Its A Deathwish *}

bottle_my_hopes @ 2006-11-06T21:57:00

2006-11-06T19:57:42Z

Sometimes...sometimes my life is fun..i love hangin out with you nik..we are one and the same
Thank you for making my life a little less fucked up.
I dont care what people say about you and me, fuck them..they dont know

bottle_my_hopes @ 2006-11-05T16:31:00

2006-11-05T14:31:37Z

~~^{Kudos to those who see through sickness}~~
Its cold. Now i remember why i hate fall and winter. I want my summer back!
Today i just hate everyting, dont ask me why cuz i dont know.
Everything thats in my hand seems to be failing, dead or whatever.
I just want to have my life back before all of this, i cant stand my life the way it is now.

People dont notice, and i like to keep it that way. i dont want all those people to feel sorry for me.
It would only make things worse.

^{* sometimes perfection can be perfect hell *}

bottle_my_hopes @ 2006-10-17T20:31:00

2006-10-17T19:10:07Z

~~^{You're not worth writing about}~~

'Home' isnt what is used to be. We used to be this happy family, trusted each other. Right now..i dont trust anybody. Not even my mom or dad. Not even myself. I want it to be what it used to be like. But guess thatll never happen. Too much has happened. Too much damage has been done. I wish it would be different. Why dont i have this magic wand that makes everything better.I dont want to choose between my mom and dad, or my sister and my mom or whatever. I just dont.My family is falling apart, and i cant stand it. Nobody is noticing it, except for us. We have to deal with this every single day. But its not like my mom or dad are really trying to make things better. They just dont talk to each other about all of this. My mom was supposed to find a job, so she could pay her debts and give us back what shes stolen from us. She is the one who i trust least, i just cant trust her. After whats shes done. She never said she was sorry..until 2 weeks ago..i've been waiting so long to hear those words, but now that shes said it, its like she just said it because its the easiest way out. Sorry is not gonna bring back my trust in you mom! Im sorry isnt enough for what youve done to me, to dad, to all of us!Im still feeling misserable, and not happy. I think im gonna be an actress, since i have this ability to hide my feelings so my friends and family dont notice how i really feel. I dont know if i can take this much longer. Im crying myself to sleep and try to find things that can take my mind of this. But its hard and im running out of ideas. And the only thing thats working right now are music and books.

_{* Slow motion see me let go..We tend to die young *}

bottle_my_hopes @ 2006-07-10T08:54:00

2006-10-07T16:14:47Z

^{Alone in this bed, house, and head}
Ever had that feeling, that you even if you've got 1000nds of people around you, you're still feeling lonely?

Well...i do..and i hate it..
I'm not a loner or anything...or at least not the kind of loner who doesn't have any friends..cuz' i do have friends you know..haha...but still..sometimes i just feel so lonely..like last night..celebrated my birthday yesterday, went to the carnival afterworths..that was the most fun i had all day!..came home went to my room..and i just sat there feeling so lonely..i know it's sounds pathetic

Sometimes i feel like i just don't belong here..everyone else around here has different interests and they just don't get me..except for Nikki...she is the only one who gets me..not all the time...but i don't get myself sometimes either...

Really looking forward to turkey...5 days left!
Really Really Really wanna go to Pukkelpop ( that a festival in belgium) the line up is like so amazing! Especially Saterday 19th of august
LostProphets
Zita Swoon
Belle & Sebastian
Panic! At The Disco
Him
The Subways
Daft Punk
Arctic Monkeys
and so much more..

But i don't know if i'll be able to go..i really really hope so!

Gonna take a shower..then..pick up my Panic! At The Disco tickets..which i'm really looking forward to..but i'll have to wait..4 months!!...

^{* The killer in me is the killer in you *}

bottle_my_hopes @ 2006-07-04T23:17:00

2006-10-07T14:41:05Z

^{I told you i dont care}

Really really tired...but unable to sleep..

90 F...it's just way too hot out here...
Hate it...my bedroom is a mess...

Looking forward to july 15th..going to Turkey for 2 weeks..never been there..

8 days till my birthday! Jeej..LOL

^{*You're so naive*}