Its been like forever since ive updated this page..
Things have been going good lately! Although some thing good be better, but hey the year just started!

My friend Jaimy had her 18th b-day party and its was fun!







NYE was so much fun! We really did start the new year pretty good!!





  

Ignore how it feels when the only real talent you have is for hiding the truth.
I have a god given knack for commiting a terrible sin. 
Its my calling
I have a natural gift for denial.
A blessing
If you could call it that

Call me the voice of experience.

Me,you and my medication

Im so so so mad! I thought everything was going to turn out ok..
It just keeps getting worse and worse..

Im never going to be able to trust her ..ever!
I thought your mom was supposed to pretect you from things like this, 
to make sure things like this would never happen to you
Well not my mom...

Everytime i that think my life is ok..something happens
my grandpa is sick..really sick, 
monday hes gonna have his first chemotherapy..
Yesterday..i didnt even know what to say to m..
the way he looked at me, kind of scared me..
he must be soo afraid,
 i mean his life could be over in 3 months or earlier
im scared, i dont want to lose him...

People amaze me, talking about me
thinkin they know me..
backstabbers, liars, so called 'friends'

Thank god for the people i can trust..
my real friends..
<3

       She loves to laugh         
           She loves to sing           
She does everything 
She loves to move
She loves to groove
She loves the lovin' things 


I hate school, its driving me crazy.     
 I loved NYE it was the bestest of bestest
We had sooo much fun.      
Then he showed up,            
thinking he could ruin my night    
fuck him, 
I'm kicking myself that i shared spit with you
eww
 
I love love love my friends!
Theyre amazing, and mine..
Pics pics pics tomorrow!!
We're crazy, we dont care

Save it.
cuz i dont care
keep it to yourself
your wasting your breath
Stop acting like you care
cuz i know you dont 
just dont.
Im your living barbiedoll.

 ^{You're 'bout as reliable as paper shoes in bad weathers}


Why dont people just leave me alone and start living their own life.
9 days till LP. and im all excited. 
Wednesday ill be checking out my new school..hopefully itll turn out good.
My hair is ruined, for real. Wish id never did what ive done..but with a litle bit of luck and lots of help from 
my sister itll turn out ok..i hope.

home still isnt what it used to be, its getting worse.
Idontwantthismakeitstop




^{.thread on my sweaters pendulous, step back and pull it
watch it unravel faster than a speeding bullet}





 

^{What does it take to activate, to keep you here?}

This time next week, you probably wont even recognize me
Be ready for the new me, the real me, the official me
I promised myself id be more like me, and less the person everyone wants me to be

People dont understand the fact that im not who they think i am,
to them, im just the girl next door, just a face in the crowd.
People think im the nice shy girl who doesnt have a mind of her own,
if only they knew..

So brace yourself for the new and improved version of me.

^{* Its Not A Fashion Statement Its A Deathwish *}

Sometimes...sometimes my life is fun..i love hangin out with you nik..we are one and the same
Thank you for making my life a little less fucked up.
I dont care what people say about you and me, fuck them..they dont know

^{Kudos to those who see through sickness}
Its cold. Now i remember why i hate fall and  winter. I want my summer back! 
Today i just hate everyting, dont ask me why cuz i dont know.
Everything thats in my hand seems to be failing, dead or whatever.
I just want to have my life back before all of this, i cant stand my life the way it is now.

People dont notice, and i like to keep it that way. i dont want all those people to feel sorry for me.
It would only make things worse.

^{* sometimes perfection can be perfect hell *} 

^{You're not worth writing about}

'Home' isnt what is used to be. We used to be this happy family, trusted each other. Right now..i dont trust anybody. Not even my mom or dad. Not even myself. I want it to be what it used to be like. But guess thatll never happen. Too much has happened. Too much damage has been done. I wish it would be different. Why dont i have this magic wand that makes everything better.I dont want to choose between my mom and dad, or my sister and my mom or whatever. I just dont.My family is falling apart, and i cant stand it. Nobody is noticing it, except for us. We have to deal with this every single day. But its not like my mom or dad are really trying to make things better. They just dont talk to each other about all of this. My mom was supposed to find a job, so she could pay her debts and give us back what shes stolen from us. She is the one who i trust least, i just cant trust her. After whats shes done. She never said she was sorry..until 2 weeks ago..i've been waiting so long to hear those words, but now that shes said it, its like she just said it because its the easiest way out. Sorry is not gonna bring back my trust in you mom! Im sorry isnt enough for what youve done to me, to dad, to all of us!Im still feeling misserable, and not happy. I think im gonna be an actress, since i have this ability to hide my feelings so my friends and family dont notice how i really feel. I dont know if i can take this much longer. Im crying myself to sleep and try to find things that can take my mind of this. But its hard and im running out of ideas. And the only thing thats working right now are music and books. 


_{* Slow motion see me let go..We tend to die young *}

^{I mean it. i'm okay.....trust me}

 I hate this. can't stand it.don't want it to be like this.can't pretend to be happy anymore.little miss sunshine is gone. thought my parents would stay together forever. Not so sure about that anymore. Not since the big secret is out. feeling miserable, sad en confused. thought it would be different. shouldn't think about it.but i do.i want them to sort things out.to solve whatever needs to be solved.i don't want to choose. i just can't. music and books are the only things that can take my mind of these things.start crying.can't stop.cry myself to sleep.i want it to stop.musictherapy.over and over and over.



<sup>* Where are we? What the hell is going on? *
* The dust has only just begun to fall, *
* Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.*
* Spin me round again and rub my eyes.  *  
* This can't be happening *
* Oily marks appear on walls *
* Where pleasure moments hung before. *</sup>

^{Give me a break...Flash}

First week of school...i'm so glad when i'm outta there...i just can't stand this school...i never really hated it or anything its just that they've never kept their promises, they never do what they say they'll do..you're just number 24846 to them..

I think my sister is reading my diary...she said something yesterday, and i swear i haven't told anybody about it..but she said it..and when i asked her were she got that idea from..she used some lame excuse..
Why would you wanna read somebodies diary??..i mean like thats private right??
I've written some stuff in it, which i really don't want people to know..and now i just don't know if i can write things like that in there, cuz some stupid sister is gonna read it..
The things i write on my lj are not comparable with the things that i write in my diary..trust me..
I'll just have to hide my diary somewhere...so she won't be able to read it..

^{* The one you love and the one who loves you will never be the same person *} 

^{I’ll promise you’ll see what I mean.}

Pukkelpop was amazing...

Jaimy , Melanie and Aunt Anja...THANK YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!



^{* And what i choose is my choice *}

^{You're my favourite friend...I adore you}

What do you do when you've got absolutely nothing to do??...

^{All the words to what's unspoken..put together everything that's broken}

So i decided to go to Pukkelpop, bought my ticket today..
Really looking forward to that, it's gonna be awesome...i hope..
Unfortunately the subways aren't gonna be there..but LostProphets,Zita Swoon, Belle and Sebastian, Daft Punk, Panic! at the Disco are gonna be there...so i don't think i'll miss the Subways that much..

I'm still not happy, but i'm feeling much better than i did the last couple of weeks..
The weirdest things seem to be happening to me..i constantly think it's just coincidence..but like Brandon Boyd sings in Smile Lines: This isn't coincidence..There's no such thing
And i'm really not that superstitious or anything...but a couple of months ago i found some Tarot cards..and i've been asking the same question over and over and i've managed to pick out the exact same card as an answer to my question..'You'll get wat you deserve'
Yesterday i've asked another question, got like a really positive answer to that question, went downstairs started reading this magazine and my horoscope for the upcoming week...and it sad the same thing as the cards did..
Thats kinda weird right? I mean there a like 22 cards to choose from and i just picked the same card every single time...

^{* You make me want you...send me all your vampires *}

^{I was dreaming of some thoughts that were seemingly possible.....with you}

So..i'm back..Turkey was fun!...but i'm also glad i'm home..

Since i got back from turkey i'm feeling sad, lonely, fat & depressed..and i hate it!...I don't know why i feel like i feel..maybe it's just my hormones..i don't know...al i know is that i hate it..it sucks!...big time..

Since 3 weeks my dreams have been really weird, they looked so real...and every night i dream about the same person..and believe me..this person is not THE person i thought i'd like..but since my dreams i can't stop thinking about anyone else but him...
I've looked some things up, and it's like we have so much in common..it's creepy..
In my dreams we're happy, i'm happy..everything is like perfect, it's like what i've always wanted...but didn't know that it could be like this...
But when i wake up i'm still alone and not happy...and wishing i could stay i that dream forever...

^{* If I could bottle my hopes in a store bought scent they'd be nutmeg peach and they'd pay the rent *}

^{I've grown tired of this place; won't you come with me..you are stellar}

One more day!..less than 24 hours!!...
I don't think i'll be able to sleep tonight, since i'm so nervous..
God i can't stop thinking about planes crashing, bombs exploding,what if there's a terrorist in my plane..It's crazy!..but i can't stop thinkin' about it..

I just hope that none of that'll happen..

I'll post when i'm back!!

Bye for now...hopefully i'll be back july 29th...

^{**I never claimed to understand what happens after dark**}

^{The best happiness money can buy...}

Happy Birthday to me...

Today i'm supposed to feel happy and i'm not that happy...i don't know why..maybe it's because i'm old now...haha

Look what i've got:

I love it!!...it's a Gilmore Girls quote..Nikki and I say it like 50 times a day..

^{* I can make a mess like nobody's business *}